This week has been rough. I’m feeling a little overextended. A little out of it. A little homesick. A little lost. Definitely not on top of things like my usual self. (Sorry I didn’t realize you had a school schedule change today, Wito! I swear I wrote it down somewhere….)
This always happens when I return home from Oklahoma. In Oklahoma, family takes precedence. Grandparents, parents, sisters, brothers, cousins…time with them is paramount. Swimming, barbecues, sitting around and actually TALKING to one another. I’m pretty good at putting everything else on hold because it’s my family. Family is the trump card.
The minute I step off the plane in California, things change. We have our little family, but not much of an extended one. Careers take precedence. We want to buy our dream house someday. We need to do more, more, more. Work, work, work. Save, save, save. I have so much shit on my plate that even the most mundane requests from my children make me feel like I might explode. I’m lucky, though. We have a nanny that helps three days a week. My kids call me her name, though. It stings.
Our little family takes the hit, it seems.
We don’t have that family anchor to pull us back down and say, “Hey. What matters most?” Basically, to keep us from a complete tailspin. I always joke with D that “I’m an island.” Don’t need anyone! Perfectly fine being the world’s greatest taskmaster! Who needs family and friends around? Pshaw.
It’s just hard, you know?
I want my family to be a constant presence in our life.
But I want to live in California.
I want my kids to feel like I’m there for them every minute of the day.
But I want to work.
I want to be able to put my blog/online endeavors on the back burner once in awhile.
But I want the opportunities and new experiences that this blog is giving to me.
I want to never complain about my life. To be completely cognizant of how lucky/blessed/whatever you call it I am.
But from the looks of this post, I can’t.
I want it all. Can you have it all?
Thanks for visiting Complaints City! We’ll return to posts about lip gloss and accessories very soon. And I promise not to have a nervous breakdown.