Step Away From the Spray Bottle, Sir

Over the past few years, we’ve rarely strayed from Wito’s signature hairstyle. You’ve seen it before…the swoopy, longer bangs in the front…short, but not too short in the back…

It just suits him. Not that the haircut doesn’t have its drawbacks, though. It can get a little hot and sweaty all up in there, and we deal with some pretty raunchy bedhead, to boot.

And I raaaaaan, I ran so far awaaayyy…

A few weeks ago, we decided to shorten it up a bit. We’ve hit the warmest part of the summer, and it was looking a tad bothersome. D (who does a mighty fine job of cutting his own hair, might I add) took the reigns and gave Wito a nice summer cut.

Wito was happy with it, and although we definitely miss the swoop, it was a nice change.

Fast forward a couple of weeks, when I opened his backpack and retrieved the ominous school picture envelope.

This is what I found.

(I’d like to apologize for the abundance of caps lock you are about to witness.)


WHA? WHO? HUH? Who is that child? Is that my child? What the hell happened to the top of his head? Is it, um, wet? Has it been sprayed with water or some oil-like substance? What’s the vertical span of that business on top? WHO MANIPULATED MY CHILD’S HEAD, I ASK OF YOU PLEASE SIR.

It’s just so…wet and spiky and, well, of the douchebag variety.

You guys, I cry-laughed for at least 20 minutes upon finding these photos. I think we will pass on this year’s package, thanks.

UPDATE: After chatting with some moms, it seems many children in Wito’s class had surprising hairstyles in their photos. When called and asked, the photographer shared that “they do not normally restyle kids hair, but this particular class was unfortunately right after recess.” Unfortunate indeed, good sir. UNFORTUNATE, INDEED. Heh.

  • Torrie @ a place to share...

    August 22, 2012 at 6:38 am

    too funny!!!!!!!!

    ooooh, can i SO. RELATE. i’ve got some “cute” ones i tell ya. (involving all kinds of manipulation)

  • Diana

    August 22, 2012 at 6:41 am

    And I bet he was so proud of himself, too. Hahaha.

  • Roxanna

    August 22, 2012 at 6:43 am

    Love it! Haa!

  • Leslie

    August 22, 2012 at 6:53 am

    What HAPPENED? Who DID that? His teacher? His friends? That is ridiculous. and funny. But mostly ridiculous.

  • Mia

    August 22, 2012 at 6:53 am

    Hahahahah! This might be the cutest thing I’ve seen in a while. You’ve got to buy at least a few, for posterity’s sake.

  • sizzle

    August 22, 2012 at 6:58 am

    Did he do that or did someone at the school do it? Hahahahahahahaha. OMG it’s ridiculously hilarious.

  • whoorl

    August 22, 2012 at 7:05 am

    From what I gather from some other moms, it seems the photographer’s helper/”stylist” took a little too much liberty with the styling portion of the photo shoot. ;)

  • gorillabuns

    August 22, 2012 at 7:05 am

    I would totally keep some just to laugh about for future reference.

  • whoorl

    August 22, 2012 at 7:06 am

    PLUS! Who takes photos directly after recess? The kid looks like a sweaty tomato.

  • gorillabuns

    August 22, 2012 at 7:07 am

    BTW: I think he looks like your dad in the last pic.;)

  • bishop stu tu

    August 22, 2012 at 7:32 am

    whOOrl gOOrl,

    well there went his political career. does his school have a hockey team?

    still laughin’…WOW!

    yo dad

    • whoorl

      August 22, 2012 at 11:12 am

      HAHAAAAAAA. Good one, dad.

  • Danielle (elleinadspir)

    August 22, 2012 at 7:36 am

    Oh my god. I am dying! I am cry laughing with you. We have similar hair issues. He wants it short to help with the sweat/keeping cool issue, but also likes to keep the signature longish look. I’d die if I saw this style happen on him.

  • Rachel

    August 22, 2012 at 8:10 am

    I cannot stop laughing – this is hysterical.

  • Christy

    August 22, 2012 at 8:40 am

    You must get some sort of package – you’ll want to remember this one. Just don’t do what my parents did – hang every school photo above the entryway stairwell as some sort of hall of shame.

    • Lynne

      August 22, 2012 at 11:29 am

      I agree! Order something, you need to remember this!

  • Kerri Anne

    August 22, 2012 at 8:41 am

    I remember they ALWAYS took school photos at the worst times (back in the day) (I feel so old right now). Right after lunch, or right after recess, or right after I decided crimping my hair was a the best of all ideas. Also, body-suits.

    (Also, Derbs is still the cutest, even while being forced to rock Jersey Shore hair.)

  • Michelle

    August 22, 2012 at 8:54 am

    I agree w/GorillaBuns, get a small package just to have…something to show in a slideshow for his high school graduation party. This is too funny. Thanks for sharing!

  • Sarah

    August 22, 2012 at 9:38 am

    If that appeared in my kid’s backpack, I would immediately assume he did it himself. ;) My boy has had a real boy haircut for a long time now and he’s 4! It makes him looks so old. He has thick heavy hair that we have to keep short because he’s a sweaty beast who hates having his hair washed. He loves the spikey hair look and will totally attempt to style it that way himself.

    I have envied your ability to have a boy with cute hair long past the stage many other kids demand to have their hair cut. But I love seeing Wito’s face in the more recent pics.

    If I were you, I’d buy at least ONE of the photos. And then complain to the school office about their photographer. :)

  • Amy wright

    August 22, 2012 at 10:03 am

    Oh, this is hilarious!!!! You have to buy at least one picture so it is sure to show up in high school! It could be a great bargaining tool in the future :)

  • Jenny Post

    August 22, 2012 at 11:10 am

    Wow. Just wow.

    Aside from the ridiculousness of his hair in that photo, why can’t school photo companies get it together?? The backdrops, the deer-in-headlights expressions, the lighting. Every time I see one (and I’m a teacher, so I see A LOT), I can’t tell if it was taken in 1983 or 2012. The pictures we take with our cellphones look better!

  • Angella

    August 22, 2012 at 11:13 am

    Oh, MY.

    So awesome, though. ;)

  • Elizabeth A

    August 22, 2012 at 12:04 pm

    But, but… if you don’t buy the school photo package, however will you remember this moment in time? It’s not like you have a blog or anything where you regularly post photos that will remain for all eternity….
    Oh, wait. Never mind.

    • whoorl

      August 22, 2012 at 12:26 pm

      That’s kind of what I was thinking!

  • Amti'b

    August 22, 2012 at 12:22 pm

    Uhm, might be the funniest most un him photo ever.

  • ohjennymae

    August 22, 2012 at 1:15 pm

    oh, my. i can’t. i just don’t even know what to say. do i laugh? do i console you?

    this happened to me when my boy was in preschool. someone took a comb to his blond beach hair & it ended up looking like some old-timey greaser. but at least it wasn’t spiked?

    i’m so sorry.

    • whoorl

      August 22, 2012 at 1:55 pm

      Oh, you are so sweet. Laugh…just laugh with us, it’s all we’ve been doing for a couple of days! Dare I say, I love that it happened. Makes for a great story, and you know I love telling stories!

  • Denae @ New Mom Adventure

    August 22, 2012 at 1:25 pm

    At least he didnt come back with a fake tan too. :sigh:

  • Jill Browning

    August 22, 2012 at 1:41 pm

    Priceless! This may be my favorite post of yours.

  • erin from swonderland

    August 22, 2012 at 2:47 pm

    oh my gaaaaaaaa! hahahaha. ha. ha. you must order the smallest package. you must.

  • Danielle

    August 22, 2012 at 4:46 pm

    I absolutely love that you shared this! Bahahahahahahahaha!!!!!!! My 12 yo son is in possession of a vast amount of silky blonde hair–he gets nagged to cut it all the time. But he won’t because he is totally into his hair!

    And we have the bad school photographs to remind him why he likes his hair long!

  • Brooke Davis

    August 22, 2012 at 6:57 pm

    Oh. My. Goodness. I laughed with tears. I love the way you write and the build up to the school photo was amazing. Was not expecting it and I thank you. Loved it.

  • Janssen

    August 22, 2012 at 8:55 pm

    Okay, THIS was the highlight of my day.

  • Christa

    August 23, 2012 at 8:15 am

    You tell a great story! This is really, really funny!

  • Amti'b

    August 23, 2012 at 1:35 pm

    Still laughing today, stan got a goodgiggle as well. Funniest part about is that it happened to the two of you!! Hee hee

  • Bree

    August 23, 2012 at 1:37 pm

    Not buying a photo as a memory of this will be tragic! I LOVE my kids school photos. Especially the horrific ones. You know the ones with the terrible backgrounds, fake rocks, and stuffed animals?!

    Trust me, I love my family photographer (who I can only afford once a year) but these are right up there with the ones I will grab on my way out of my house if it catches on fire.

  • Emily

    August 24, 2012 at 6:41 am

    OMG…I am dying in my chair right now. Thank you for sharing this b/c it completely brightened my day!! :) And as a mom, I can totally relate and appreciate the fact that you weren’t too embarrassed to show this to the world. Btw, I think you should totally order at least one. For a good laugh one day when your son is older!

  • Susan

    August 24, 2012 at 8:20 am

    So, what does Wito have to say about it? :) That is most definitely a WTH? moment! Thank you for the giggle today!

  • GreenInOC

    August 24, 2012 at 12:08 pm

    Oh my! I thought those school pics were of your husband, doesn’t even look like Wito.

    Why not ask for a do-over? Although, there is something to be said for awkward school photos. My 5th grade one is rough! I showed it to my nephew when he was about 11 and he said, “Wow, that must have been an awful year for you!”.

  • corrin

    August 30, 2012 at 4:58 am

    I’m wearing a Smurf bobby pin in my kindergarten picture. When I left for school that day my mom found it in my pocket and explicitly told me not to wear it. When picture time came around, the photographer’s assistant saw it in my hand and put it in my hair. I tried to stop her, but she whisked me infront of the camera before I could say anything. Needless to say, my mother was not pleased when the photos came home.

  • Isaak Martin

    August 30, 2012 at 9:50 am

    Look! What a nice looking! How sweet kid is he. Thanks for beautiful photos.

  • cc

    August 30, 2012 at 12:07 pm

    I would buy one sheet, just for the memories.

    It would also give you proof that a fauxhawk does not really suit him.

  • Soumya

    September 12, 2012 at 11:30 pm

    The kids looks very cute. Nice Clicks

  • weft hair weave

    September 21, 2012 at 3:01 am

    It is very good! I like it