I adore Joslyn’s blog. Whether I’m searching for inspiration or adding a few things to my must-have list, I can always count on her impeccable eye and stellar taste. And if THAT wasn’t enough, many of her posts focusing on parenting make me want to yell “ME TOOOOOOO” at the top of my lungs because it seems Joslyn and I are very similar in one regard. We are Type A Mothers.
As Joslyn stated in a recent blog post,
I think a lot about this idea of “mellow parenting“… I believe with ever fiber of my being that creativity flourishes and the magic happens when you let kids be bored, explore, make messes and just sort of ramble about a bit, and yet, at my core, I am a type A mom. Big time. Art projects inevitably begin with a mental assessment of how hard they’ll be to clean up, I still tend to overschedule (despite my continued attempts at laziness) and, more often than not, I’m far more uptight than I’d like to be.
Sigh.
You are preaching to the choir, Joslyn. I’m a tad bit Type A myself (hahaatadbithahaaa), with one of my major triggers being kitchen messes. Let me take you all on a little journey into my mind.
Friday evening, dinner table.
Sarah: Wito, how was preschool today?
Wito: It was fun! We played with dinosaurs and…(Sarah’s brain: OMG OMG IS THAT PASTA SAUCE ALL OVER HIS FINGERTIPS? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE TO GET THAT MUCH PASTA SAUCE ON THE HANDS WHEN USING AN EATING UTENSIL? HE IS GOING TO WIPE HIS HANDS ALL OVER THE NEW DINING CHAIRS, ISN’T HE? OH, THERE WENT ANOTHER NOODLE ON THE FLOOR. HOW MANY NOODLES ARE DOWN THERE? WHAT DO YOU THINK THE RATIO OF FOOD-IN-MOUTH TO FOOD-ON-FLOOR IS? 1 IN 5? 1 IN 15? WHERE’S HIS NAPKIN? WHY DOESN’T HE USE HIS NAPKIN? USE YOUR GOD DAMN NAPKIN, KID! YOU ARE ALMOST FIVE YEARS OLD!)…and then we read a funny story and then you picked me up!
Sarah: That sounds like fun! Wito, honey, be sure and wipe your hands on your napkin, okay? Also, sit up straight with your knees under the table. That way, you won’t be spilling so much food on the floor. Okay?
Wito: Okay, mommy.
Wita: Ahahaaaaa baaaaaabaaaaaa maaaamaaaa *fistfuls of bite-sized turkey and cheese flying through the air while the rest of her dinner is smashed into her hair*
Sarah’s brain: MELTDOWN CAN’T COMPUTE ;FGBNWRIO;GRW;IOGHWR
End scene.
You guys, why am I so neurotic about this? I mean, REALLY, it’s just food on the floor. They are LITTLE CHILDREN. I know I’m going to sweep the floor regardless if there are 2 Cheerios on it or 49, so what’s the big deal? I just wish I could tone it down a bit, but MAH BRAAAIIIIN.
And then I start to wonder…is Wito not the slightest bit interested in creating art (painting, drawing, etc) because I shrink-wrapped him in trashbags whenever he got within 2 feet of a paintbrush for the first 4 years of his life for fear of the mess he might create?
Hmmm, food for thought.
Joslyn included this passage from an interview with Anna Quindlen on Momfilter:
“I think having bright lines and boundaries really worked for us, that it made our kids strong and secure because they were clear on expectations and responsibilities. But I wish I had been better able to combine that with letting things go a little bit. Nobody really needs a bath every night. Nobody really needs a balanced meal for every meal. I should have let the freak flag fly a bit more. It’s hard to be a Type A mom. I wish I could have been a bit more B plus, for my sake and their own.”
B plus. I think I’m in love with that idea. Most certainly, the LAST thing I want is for my Type A behavior to stifle my children in any way.
So, this is a call to all of my fellow Type A mothers. Join Joslyn and I in aiming to be Type B+ mothers this summer. Are you in?
Look, I’ve already started.
Those Cheerios have been on the floor for 5+ hours. Baby steps.
Feels quite liberating…
(Nope, just feels messy.)
narmalie
May 31, 2011 at 6:24 amI read Joslyn’s post last week and IMMEDIATELY sent my husband to read it… this entire weekend, we used the code word “B+” as a way to let the other know that we were being overly concerned about things that were NO BIG DEAL. I hope we continue to keep it going, since it’s nice to have a partner in crime to help keep things in perspective. I so feel you on this.
Danielle (elleinadspir)
May 31, 2011 at 6:29 amYou are preaching to the choir here. I sooo feel you. This is something I have been trying to work on…and will keep trying to work on….
C @ Kid Things
May 31, 2011 at 7:03 amThis is me, exactly, including the same sort of guilt over my kids’ avoidance of art projects. Way too uptight. I know it is and I’ve tried to correct it. I go into a situation chanting to myself to let it go, let it go, let it go, and by 5 minutes in that mantra is up and gone.
Dana
May 31, 2011 at 7:30 amSarah – you just need a dog to help mealtime cleanup along….!!
The Dalai Mama
May 31, 2011 at 7:32 amThis so so me–my brain does the exact same thing. Maybe it takes my kids so long to eat dinner–because I am constantly managing their every move, “sit down, turn around…” etc.
My husband is always telling me to relax and have less rules and do less managing. But it is hard and I. Don’t. Know. How. But I do know that being as uptight as I am drives me crazy.
I am going to work on letting them just be kids and I’m going to try to be more relaxed and let my kids be kids…
Ashley
May 31, 2011 at 7:55 amSo, pretty much it feels like you crawled into my head to write that post. I say on a regular basis, mealtimes especially are my least favourite. One because I’ll cook a favourite meal (that everyone ate the previous cooking) and somebody will inevitably start to wail that “I don’t want THHHHAAAAAAT! Can I have something ridiculous and absolutely not going to happen, just because I’m whining?” To which the answer is “Oh, um, NO.” But mostly because nobody sits still, which means food goes flying, napkins or cloths are for looking at because you only wipe your fingers on the wipe shirt that Mommy just removed stains from the last meal from and unless sippy cups with lids are employed somebody spills milk onto my cloth seat chairs. By the time they finish (which is 4 hours later because the squirming reduces eating speed by 25%) I’m exhausted.
I’d love to organize less and let them just be. The problem is, I don’t have a clue how. Great post! Maybe I’ll have to adapt the B+ theory… or it may just be like a New Year’s Resolution, made with the best intentions and dead before the ball finishes dropping.
Kristabella
May 31, 2011 at 8:32 amDude! DUDE! This is one of my huge fears about becoming a parent. How can I handle that? I’m not even a neat freak, but holy crap, when my nieces and nephews are around, I’m neurotic! I cannot handle the messes and the slim chance they might draw on the coffee table with a marker and GAH! Who cares?
I like the idea of B+!
Torrie @ a place to share...
May 31, 2011 at 8:36 amI am the exact same way, and to put it simply- I’m IN =).
It really hit me when my son started preschool. I went to pick him up one day and his teacher pulled me aside and said that she wanted to talk to me about something. She had “noticed” that he was uncomfortable getting his hands dirty. My immediate thought: Uh-Oh… What have I done? I had visions of him eating his spaghetti and me- tackling him with wipes in fear that he would run to the couch and smear sauce all about. That type of behavior (parenting) couldn’t possibly have anything to do with his neurosis… right?
It’s definitely been a battle… of my A brain and my B+ goal.
But these posts serve as great reminders- and like I said, I’m in!
Rebecca
May 31, 2011 at 8:59 amOh yes, Me too! Me Too! I’m days away from adding a 3rd baby to the mix. Three children under 5 years old!! B+ may be what saves me.
Kristy
May 31, 2011 at 9:33 amI was/am a type A mom. I am s l o w l y working on “chillaxing” a bit when to comes to messes. I use to vacuum, dust, and what-have-you every other day. I’m not sure when/how I flipped the switch but I now do that once MAYBE twice a week.
I still have the rule that all messes must be cleaned up before we leave the house. Meal times are still atrocious! I am constantly telling them to sit down, put your feet forward, use your fork, don’t wipe your hands on your shirt, EAT this mediocre meal I have created from boxes & cans….sheesh!
My husband actually said to me yesterday, “You know, it’s ok to sit down and relax for an hour in between activites…” Huh? What is this “relax” you speak of??? I honestly don’t know how to just be anymore…still part of the type A I am working on…
Although I was proud of myself yesterday. The girls painted birdhouses and my 5 year old actually dropped her WET birdhouse and on our cloth dinning room chair. While, I did say, “Oh, baby” in that whiny way, I cleaned it up, put down a towel and let her have at it….baby steps!
Barb @ getupandplay
May 31, 2011 at 10:42 amThe grass is always greener, right? Because I am not tidy and strive to be a more structured mom! I think we all want the middle ground, and we’re just coming at it from different angles.
Jessica
May 31, 2011 at 12:14 pmI’m sure this would create more mess for you, but I totally solve the mess under the table with the dog. I do not have to clean up after because it’s cleaned for me! Like magic!
I do not struggle with this but I probably should because my parent’s were crazy neat freaks. We were able to be creative when we wanted though, so perhaps that helped break the streak?
Tina
May 31, 2011 at 3:05 pmOHhhhhh, I love this post. I needed this post. Hooray for cheerios on the floor!
Best,
Tina
whoorl
May 31, 2011 at 3:49 pmB+ moms unite!
Mama Bub
May 31, 2011 at 4:06 pmI’m neurotic in a safety sort of way. Slow down! Don’t touch! Be careful! I could use a little B+ in my life.