A Downer of a Candy Drawer


Dear Dad,

I know my trip home was completely last-minute and that you have had an extremely full plate with the new house. (Which is absolutely beautiful, by the way. Wowza.)

However, I am a little disappointed in the candy drawer.

I know what you are thinking, dad – people would kill for that candy drawer! Look at the diversity in flavor and sugar content! Yes, you probably are right…but where are the Chick-o-Sticks? The Blow Pops? The Sour Patch Kids? Do you expect me to have my usual gut-ripping stomachaches from eating a Hershey bar? I need the fake sugar chemical stuff! I need familiarity! I am having an emotional crisis!

Where is the LOOOOOOVE, man?


Your Loving Daughter

p.s. – The Starbursts are stale.

  • bishOp stu tu

    March 5, 2009 at 1:40 pm

    whOOrl gOOrl,

    There are candy-less children all over the whirled…think of them…so hush my dearest, and eat the candy.

    ‘sides itsa’ GREAT RECESSION damnit. and you should be thankful for one hershey kiss…

    And I used to walk ten miles to school too.

    yo dad

  • whoorl

    March 5, 2009 at 1:44 pm

    Actually, The pink Starbursts and the Twizzlers taste pretty good. Working on the Hershey’s Nuggets next…

    I may have been too harsh, father, as I feel the familiar rumble in my tummy. The world is right again.

    Forgive me.

  • Carrisa

    March 5, 2009 at 1:53 pm

    Tell dad to put some fruit flavored tootsie rolls in there. Of course they won’t stay in there very long as they are like crack. And also like Starbursts. But the shape is better in my mouth.

    Also? Cherry Sours FTW!

  • whoorl

    March 5, 2009 at 2:10 pm

    Carissa, my father did not know about the fruit-flavored tootsie rolls. He is very intrigued, and thanks you for opening his mind to new candy experiences.

  • mel

    March 5, 2009 at 2:13 pm

    BLAH! Licorice candy! What about sour lemondrops instead? :)

  • whoorl

    March 5, 2009 at 2:15 pm

    To be fair, the lemondrops were right behind the licorice candy.

  • tutugirl1345

    March 5, 2009 at 2:34 pm

    Be grateful, my parents don’t allow candy in the house at all. And the sodas are still in a locked cabinet.


    March 5, 2009 at 2:44 pm

    I think your father and you should stroll the aisles of a Walmart-like store (with Dad’s wallet of course) and you can kill two birds with one stone – a candy instruction tutorial AND a shopping trip!

  • hillary

    March 5, 2009 at 3:37 pm

    who puts gum in a candy drawer? gum doesn’t make your ass bigger, therefore it has no place in a candy drawer.

  • catnip

    March 5, 2009 at 3:47 pm

    I’d kill for that butterfinger right now.

  • Angella

    March 5, 2009 at 3:54 pm

    No Sour Patch Kids? THE HORROR.

    Our sour cherries or berries? My heart hurts for you.

  • slynnro

    March 5, 2009 at 4:37 pm


    Seriously. Thought I was the only one.

    I believe my exact words to my father were, “Where are the FUCKING Chick-o-Sticks?”

    I’m classy like that.

  • hi kooky

    March 5, 2009 at 5:03 pm

    One word: YUM. I’d be ripping into that Butterfinger FIRST THING.

  • Miguelina

    March 5, 2009 at 5:05 pm


    Wito had his first Kit Kat yesterday. He wasn’t very enthused…what is WRONG with him??

  • Iheartgreen

    March 5, 2009 at 5:07 pm

    Candy: my favorite topic. My votes for the candy drawer: (1) Haribo gummi bears (2) sour watermelons (3) jelly bellies (4) hot tamales (5) brach’s neopolitan (6) Hershey’s Bliss (7) Chocolate tootsie roll pops (8) Mike and Ikes. My teeth hurt a little just thinking about the potential cavities.

  • amy

    March 5, 2009 at 5:24 pm

    i would be all over that butterfinger.

  • Vanessa

    March 5, 2009 at 5:51 pm

    Your dad rocks! We never had a candy drawer at my house but this makes me think I should implement one for my kid. He’s only two though, so I would end up eating all the candy and that would probably not be so great.

  • Sarah @ BecomingSarah.com

    March 5, 2009 at 5:54 pm

    What a cool dad! That’s the best stocked candy drawer I’ve ever seen!

  • sizzle

    March 5, 2009 at 7:09 pm

    I know this post is about candy and it is unlike me to not take an opportunity to talk about candy but I just wanted to say that I hope you are okay and all with the last minute trip and the emotional crisis.


  • Sarah

    March 5, 2009 at 9:29 pm

    Haribo gummy bears and peach rings are definitely missing.

  • lisak

    March 6, 2009 at 7:17 am

    A candy drawer? I didn’t know anyone had one. Kind of blows my mind. Junk drawer, yes. Candy drawer?

  • ali

    March 6, 2009 at 8:00 am

    um, if you don’t want it…i’ll be happy to take it off your hands :)

  • Tracy H

    March 6, 2009 at 8:08 am

    Chick-o-sticks are the bomb! I, too thought I was the only one that loved them.

  • Erika

    March 6, 2009 at 8:49 am

    A little story about chic-o-sticks. My best friend and I used to eat them as if they were going out of style! We loved them. Well, when I was a junior and she was a senior in high school, she thought she was pregnant. We went to planned parenthood and she took a test. She had to give a password so that she could call and get her results. Her password was… you guessed it, CHIC-O-STICK. She stopped eating them for a while after she found out she was pregnant. She was a little devastated and couldn’t stand to even look at a chic-o-stick. Luckily for us all, her son Charles is a wonderful young man. HE LOVES CHIC-O-STICKS!!

  • Marin

    March 6, 2009 at 11:25 am

    I bet I could eat that entire bag of Twizzlers right now. Le sigh.

    Hope the emotional crisis resolves itself/is resolved. They are No Fun.

  • Jen

    March 6, 2009 at 9:13 pm

    A candy drawer? This is brilliant! When I have bigger kitchen with more than just 2 drawers, for sure I’ll have a candy drawer! Although I have a feeling mine will be empty all the time.

  • Courtney

    March 8, 2009 at 12:51 am

    That’s a bad candy drawer? My god, what have I been missing out on?? Oh, and Starburst. Yum. How long does it take for Starburst to go stale?

  • Kerri Anne

    March 9, 2009 at 12:57 pm

    I just had a flashback to my grandma’s house, and her “kid cabinet” loaded with everything only kids can eat because if anyone else tries it’s an extra hour and a half at the gym. Or you know, not.

    (She used to have something in there called “Potato skins” and they were AMAZING. Not chips and not crackers, but crack-laden potato skins. Mmm, mmm.)

  • Kristabella

    March 9, 2009 at 2:49 pm

    I was thinking, when I saw that photo, that it was the BEST! CANDY! DRAWER! EVER! Only because I love Twizzlers and Starburst. I could live without chocolate, but I love me some fruity candy.

    But then you said the Starburst were stale and I died a little on the inside.

  • Reagan

    March 9, 2009 at 6:56 pm

    Love the Trident! Haha!

  • Mia

    March 10, 2009 at 1:26 pm

    OK, so this is in response to your twitter post about a sound machine, but as I don’t have one of those, I’m commenting here.

    This thing may not be the most aesthetically pleasing device ever created, but it works well, and the sound is really nice. Everyone in my family has used them for years . Anyway, I grew up using this particular brand, and they last FOREVER. Like, I think my grandparents have one from the seventies, I shit you not. So, check it out.