A Truly Momentous Occasion
You might want to sit down and grab a beverage. This might take a little bit.
This is my closet.
First things first – the fact that I didn’t re-fold every damn sweater in my closet before posting this photo is huge for me. HUGE. I mean, you are reading the blog of a girl who recently downloaded a friend’s Twitter profile photo, photoshopped a bothersome corner and emailed it to her. SHE DID NOT REQUEST THIS.
But really, folks. The corner was bothersome! One-eyed (precious) baby head staring at me!
These are the types of inconsequential things that plague me. (Believe it or not, my husband is 100 times worse than me. In fact, it’s his detailed aesthetic that has completely transformed me into a person who does things like the above. I BLAME YOU, D.)
So, yeah! OCD. Back to the sweaters. Look at the droopiness! The crookedness! The non-color coordination! Good God, this is hurting me deeply. Do you know that my first job out of college was the Assistant Manager at Ann Taylor? It goes without saying that this bitch can FOLD.
Back to my momentous occasion biznass. I am officially not shopping until April 10th. (cue fanfare) This is most likely NOT going to last, as I am afflicted with Retail Power Consumerism.
Most notable characteristics of RPC:
1) Knowing more about your UPS driver than your extended family.
2) Possessing a vast knowledge of a retail store’s inventory – more than the actual sales associates themselves. (Dear associates at J. Crew, when I ask you to grab the Dream Silvie Dress in Charcoal, I expect you to know what in the hell that means. The catalog should be your bible. GAH. Your Bright Papaya Jane flats look great on you, though!)
3) Refreshing your internet browser 156 times at 8:59pmPST before the day of a big online sale.
4) Purging your closet at least 2-3 times per year and still not wearing 65% off your belongings.
I know what some of you are thinking, though. That closet isn’t half bad! It’s not large, it looks totally manageable and is not over-flowing with random crap. Right?
Well, let me show you the other side of the closet. You know, the one that SHOULD be my husband’s side. (Riiiiight. His stuff is totally in Wito’s room.)
Okay, this is ridiculous. Starting at the left side of the photo and continuing until you see the clear, plastic hanging bag is my collection of jackets. OH MY GOD WHO NEEDS THAT MANY JACKETS? Must I remind you of where I live? Let me give you a hint – it was 83 DEGREES YESTERDAY. Look at all of those plastic boxes filled with shoes. I never wear those shoes.
However, that’s not all! See the following cabinets above my closet?
Those are filled with plastic bins of more clothes. Shocking, I know!
What are all of those clothes doing up there? Seriously. This photo also demonstrates my practice of buying certain styles in multiples. The stack of clothes above the bin is made up entirely of J. Crew Bermuda shorts. I’m pretty sure I own every color. (NOT NECESSARY!)
Again, NOT NECESSARY. And maybe a little weird.
Have I proven my point? The shopping needs to stop. I don’t think Wito’s college fund can be fueled by the resale of Hayden Harnett bags.
I’m not going to lie – for me, this is going to quite a challenge. Between my time spent online and this writing job, I am pretty much surrounded by purchasing opportunities, but I’m going to give it a good college try. (Thanks to my friends Joslyn and Susan for the idea. Now, can you two come to California and hold my hand?)
However, just because I’m not shopping doesn’t mean I’m not looking. In fact, I am introducing a new whoorl category entitled “What I’m Not Buying Today” where I will, well, show you what I’m not buying today. (See the link up in the top navigation bar!) Maybe YOU will buy it and I can live vicariously through you! YES, BRILLIANT!
In closing, when I told my lovely (yet dangerous) enablers of my new plan last night, the lovely Metalia wrote a little song to the tune of Goodbye, Lover by James Blunt for the occasion. (She’s the Weird Al of our time! But, you know, prettier. And normal.) Hold up your lighters, my friends.
Did I disappoint you or let you down?
Should I be feeling guilty or let the judges frown?
‘Cause I saw my bills, but “needed” that cardigan.
Yes I saw I was blinded, and I knew you had won.
So I took what’s mine, by eternal right.
That Sylvie dress, perfect for Date Night.
It may be over, but it won’t stop there,
So I’m stopping for now, because I need to repair.
You touched my heart, you touched my soul.
But I’ve changed my life and all my goals.
And love is blind and that I knew when,
My heart was blinded by you.
I’ve purchased pea coats in bright red.
Shared my finds on the internet.
I know you well, I know your smell.
I’ve been addicted to you.
Goodbye to J. Crew.
Goodbye to Gap.
You have been the ones.
You have been the ones for me.
So, the question remains. Who wants to join me? COME ON! We can cry to one another on a weekly basis!