How To Use A Neti Pot
1. Enter Mother’s Market. Spend upwards of twenty minutes aimlessly walking around the store, feigning interest in various items while, in reality, you are too shy to ask the cute dude with dreads about the Neti Pot.
2. Locate a very tall Swedish man with a skinny plumber’s butt and ask for assistance locating the Neti Pots. Loudly knock over an organic tissue box display with your stroller.
3. Find and purchase Neti Pot.
4. Return home. Sit on couch. Take Neti Pot box out of the shopping bag.
5. Stare at Neti Pot box.
6. Repeat #5 several times.
7. Make dinner.
8. Finish dinner. Sit on couch.
9. Repeat #5.
10. Place Neti Pot box on the couch next to you, barely touching your leg. Pray that the physical contact alone will unleash the magical healing powers of the Neti Pot.
11. Realize magical Neti Pot diffusion isn’t happening. Decide to open the box.
12. While opening the box, notice the term “nasal douching” written on the side. Gag forcefully. Repeat #5.
13. Quickly get over your fears when your sinus cavities remind you that YOU WILL DIE IF YOU DON’T DO SOMETHING ABOUT THE MUCUS.
14. Prepare Neti Pot with the warm water and salt. (1/4 teaspoon to 8 ounces water is the recommended amount. I used a little bit less, thanks to your comments.)
15. Read the directions 5,000 times and obsessively worry that your head won’t be tilted properly.
16. Lean over the sink, tilt head and stick the Neti spout into your right nostril, creating a “seal”.
17. Pour water into your right nostril. See nothing coming out the other side. Wonder where the water is going. Tilt head upwards to look in the mirror. Salt water now gushes down your throat. Choke. Scream, “I’M DROWNING! HELP MEEEE!”
18. Realize you are, in fact, NOT drowning. Collect yourself.
19. Try again, this time tilting your head properly. The saltwater flows directly out the other nostril! You are amazed! This is the coolest party trick ever!
20. Feel equally happy/horrified about the expelled contents of your nose.
I’m here to tell you – don’t be scared of the Neti Pot! There is definitely a little bit of a learning curve when it comes to the tilt of your head (not tilting downwards enough can cause the saltwater to drain in your throat), but once you have that down, it’s really easy. I’m definitely a fan. Now, if I only had bought one a week ago, I probably wouldn’t be dealing with my newly-diagnosed sinus infection of mammoth proportions. Oh well, at least I’ll know next time.