36

This Is Going To Be A Problem

Hello! I came this close to flashing my nether regions to my neighbors this morning!

I also went grocery shopping! Without my wallet! This unfortunate fact became crystal clear while standing in the checkout line. Did I mention it was 5pm? Clearly not the best time to interact with the masses while wrangling a toddler, since most early evening grocery shoppers HATE BABIES.

Let’s drink. And eat candy.

I’m forming a bad habit. A habit that involves Haribo Gummi Bears, which frankly, is surprising, given the lack of candy around our house.

You see, D hates candy. He loves chocolate, but the sugary Willy Wonka-type stuff makes him quite surly. In fact, I have a theory that he’s suppressed some horrible, nightmarish memory involving candy from his childhood. I mean, he’s just so WEIRD about it, all up in my face, “Did you BUY those Lemonheads? Huh? How did THAT happen?

Freak.

During a parental visit several years ago, we happened upon a fantastic candy shop. Of course, MY family (owners of the infamous candy drawer) started salivating like dogs at the thought of salt water taffy, imported black licorice (blech, but my dad loves it) and old school delights. As we sprinted towards the candy baskets, D stood outside the entrance looking like he had just smelled a vicious fart. I asked him what his deal was, and he responded, “I think I’ll just wait out here. I mean, it’s CANDY.” (insert judgemental snobbery)

LIKE ENTERING THE CANDY SHOP WAS SO BENEATH HIM. He stood outside the entire time. (Probably checking out his reflection in the candy shop window.)

Sometimes, I wonder about my mental faculties on the day I accepted his marriage proposal.

However, I must admit, I think he’s on to something. Whenever I eat candy, I always feel like shit afterwards- my stomach cramps, my head aches, etc. So, we just don’t buy it. The end.

Well, as I was perusing the aisles of Target a couple of weeks ago, I notice some Haribo Gummi Bears beckoning me from afar. I figured what the hell, threw them in the cart, and brought those puppies home with me.

Somehow, these Gummi Bears have become candied encouragement while practicing my guitar. (Did I mention I am taking classical guitar lessons? And that it’s killing me slowly? Yet, I CAN’T QUIT YOU, RAMÓN.) Every time I screw up (which is A LOT OF THE TIME), I pop one in my mouth and carry on like a wayward son.

My whole point is this:

gummi.jpg

My tummy hurts. Send help.

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36 Comments
  • jonniker

    March 5, 2008 at 9:02 pm

    Oh my God, I get GRIPPING stomach cramps every time I eat too much candy like that, and Gummi bears are the worst. The absolute WORST cramp-inducers. But they are so! good!

    I’m D’s exact opposite: I infinitely prefer candy to chocolate, and Adam is the same way. It’s bad.

    Also, um, did you order those online? Because I once ordered Adam approximately fifteen pounds (no seriously) of these gummy raspberry wheels that he adores. Despite daily consumption, they lasted for WEEKS.

  • whoorl

    March 5, 2008 at 9:11 pm

    Amazon.com baby!

    Do you know why I bought that stash? Because I’m doing that 30-day Amazon Prime free 2-day shipping trial. I, of course, think I’m pulling the wool over Amazon’s eyes by canceling my membership on the 29th day, when really, who has who by the balls here? Would I have EVER bought a case of Gummi Bears otherwise?

    Um, no. TAKE MY MONEY, AMAZON.

  • bethany actually

    March 5, 2008 at 9:11 pm

    Annalie’s daily vitamins are gummy bears from Trader Joe’s. They have become my daily vitamin, too. Is that pathetic?

  • Moose

    March 5, 2008 at 9:15 pm

    Glomming onto your first sentence with a vengeance (and ignoring the small detail that “glomming” exists in few, if any, known dictionaries): I once flashed my boss’s husband! Damn them for being early to dinner! Damn me for forgetting to close my bedroom curtains!

    I have since pondered the question, is it more uncomfortable to flash your boss? Or your boss’s husband? I still haven’t reached a satisfactory conclusion.

    (Tummy problems: Hot water. Straight up. A tip, oddly enough, from my boss, who was always there after my 3 pm donut and subsequent belly ache.)

  • janet

    March 5, 2008 at 9:16 pm

    those are the only gummi bears worth eating. tho I’m not sure about quite that many….

  • Angella

    March 5, 2008 at 9:25 pm

    Now I want Gummi bears. I ‘m off to see if I can get those in Canada…

  • little miss mel

    March 5, 2008 at 9:33 pm

    If those were gummy cherries, I would have come running.

    The bears are in 3rd place in my book, after the fabulous cherry, then the strawberry. And ONLY Haribo will do.

  • slynnro

    March 5, 2008 at 9:54 pm

    Dude. That box represents all of my life’s dreams. In candy form.

  • erin rae

    March 6, 2008 at 4:32 am

    All I have to say is World Market. Or Cost Plus. Or whatever it is called in your neck of the woods.

    Not only does World Market have most of the different Haribo candies (Fruity Pasta I love you!), but they have 3lb bags of gummy bears.

    I hear you on the stomach ache, but if I can see them, they are getting eaten.

  • bishop stu tu

    March 6, 2008 at 5:05 am

    whOOrl gOOrl,

    I’m naught sure, butt I think there’s Vitamin C in those little dudes. Soooo…..gOOd and gOOd fer ya.

    Y, must endorse D’s THOUGHTS on chocolate…it’s legal dOpe.

    rock on Ramon’…keep him singing.

    da bishOp

  • Beth

    March 6, 2008 at 5:18 am

    Oh, and Haribo gummi bears are the BEST.

    I first came to love them when my brother was in high school and taking German. His teacher, Frau Hodson, is to blame for my love of the gummi.

    But not just any gummi. If I’m going to eat a little bear made out of sugar, it has to be a Haribo.

    I never thought about buying them by the case before. Hmm …

  • MO

    March 6, 2008 at 5:38 am

    Those are the best gummi bears EVER!!! Once a friend gave me a 10 Lb bag for Christmas. Yum!

  • Maureen

    March 6, 2008 at 6:25 am

    You can buy them in 5-pound bags at Costco. Just sayin’.

    So, you’re saying my guitar skills are THAT BAD? (I’m afraid the majority of them would get stale…it would take me at least a year to get through that monster.)

  • Natalie 42

    March 6, 2008 at 6:55 am

    Oh I do love me some Haribo Gummi Bears…the white ones are my favorite. But I have to say, my true love is the Jelly Belly. You pick any one of them out of a variety bag and I can tell you what it is. I have a huge jar of them at my home at all times. It’s a sickness.

    Question: was this candy store the fantastic little candy store in Santa Fe? The one that sits slightly off the Square where you walk down the steps to get inside? Oh man, I looooove that place. If it’s not that place you should go. It’s teeny tiny but awesome. I’ve been going there since I was a child. We would take trips to the family ranch in Colorado and always stopped there on the way. If we didn’t, I would throw down the “but I really neeeeeed it! It’s a long driiiiiive” plea.

    Just make sure to also become obsessed with brushing your teeth and you’re good to go.

  • Sizzle

    March 6, 2008 at 7:06 am

    Oh dear- this sounds like a 12 step program is just around the corner. ;) I like the look of candy but I prefer chocolate. I hate to side with D on this and go against you but, alas, it’s my way. Besides, this only means more for you and THAT is a good thing.

  • RA

    March 6, 2008 at 7:20 am

    I love anything that is gummy, though I can take or leave sour candy. Chocolate just makes me shrug. I know, it’s unfeminine. But give me sugar all day, so long as I don’t have to pay the dental bill!

    I say all of this with a bag of Swedish fish next to me. The inferior, large ones. But they’ll do.

  • Mel

    March 6, 2008 at 8:44 am

    I love disgusting sugary candies as well. And now I must have those gummi bears….Mmm….

  • Heather

    March 6, 2008 at 8:14 am

    I love all disgusting, sugary candy, too, and Darren would often scrunch up his nose when I ate it and say it was like dating a 3-year-old. True, but candy buttons just make life better.

  • rebecca

    March 6, 2008 at 8:50 am

    Mmmm… gummy bears!!

  • lini

    March 6, 2008 at 9:28 am

    What did you do at the store? I have done the same and lucky for me, a friend was in line behind me.
    Natalie, your are thinking of Todos Santos, really good candy!

  • Nothing But Bonfires

    March 6, 2008 at 9:59 am

    Oh man, I’m right there with you on the candy. IT MAKES ME FEEL SO BAD AND STILL I GO BACK TO IT, AGAIN AND AGAIN. Candy is like an abusive husband and I’m the disillusioned wife going “no, this time it’ll be better, I swear!”

    I once used Haribo Gummy Bears to get through an interminable German exchange trip when I was 16. And considering it was Germany, there were an awful lot of Haribo Gummy Bears available to me.

    Last thing: we forgot to cancel the Amazon Prime free membership and then we were all “screw it, we’re stuck with it now.” It’s kind of the best thing that ever happened, because you only have to conceive of the VAGUEST NOTION that you want a particular book or cosmetic (YES!) and the next day it’s on your doorstep in a brown box. Very dangerous. Very awesome.

  • Erin

    March 6, 2008 at 10:18 am

    I love the Haribo gummy bears! But you have to try them refrigerated. Seriously, they are excellent cold and it also keeps you from eating too many because they’re harder to chew. Win-win situation.

  • Amanda

    March 6, 2008 at 10:31 am

    Ooo Haribo Gummy Bears… not too gummy, not too chewy, just right. I like to bite their heads off and stick two together. I’m not sure why I still have to play with it, like I’m seven or something, but I do.

    I’m the same way about candy. Love it, but hate the feeling afterwords. Especially the need to brush my teeth immediately. And the nasty sugary after-taste. Bluck. I’m working on a bag of Jelly Belly’s as we speak. And I really want to brush my teeth.

  • Dani

    March 6, 2008 at 12:13 pm

    I started Weight Watchers in January and, subsequently, quit buying candy. ‘Cause, y’know, I eat it. All of it. And then I’m sick and fatter than I was when I started. Not that you’re fat. I’m wicked jealous of how NOT fat you are.

    But a couple of weeks ago I was in the grocery store and they had a big basket of Valentine’s Day candy, on major sale, beckoning to me. Among the nasty marshmallow things I spotted a bag of Hershey’s Hugs. Milk chocolate and white chocolate? OMGYUM!!!!!

    They sat in my pantry for awhile… until yesterday. When I came home from work, cranky, stressed, and depressed, I went to the pantry, opened the bag of Hugs, and poured them into my mouth. Well, I took the little foil things off first, but you get my gist.

    And as I was reading this post, I was putting more into my mouth. They’re sooooo goooooood.

    If I were wise, I’d throw them away. But I’m not. So I’ll eat them, and my weigh-in next week is going to suck and I’m going to have a stomachache for days, but, it’s chocolate. And it’s gooooood.

  • gorillabuns

    March 6, 2008 at 11:27 am

    Have I ever mentioned your father is beyond awesome?

  • Sarcomical

    March 6, 2008 at 11:37 am

    you know what will REALLY make you sick???

    binge eating sourpatch kids.
    dear god.

    thankfully, i haven’t done that one for about 8 years. the sheer memory gives me indigestion.

  • Allison

    March 6, 2008 at 1:03 pm

    I also ate my weight in Haribo Gummi Bears while in Germany (and I’m a big girl – that’s a lot of gummi-yummi), I also love the white ones – totally my favorite! – and I also like to bite the heads off and stick them together! The other wonderful thing? Sucking on one until it gets all slimy. Wow – that sounds a lot grosser than it really is… Promise…

  • am'ti b

    March 6, 2008 at 2:43 pm

    i think d’s candy issue has something to do with his lack of interest in movies. he, as far as i know, is the only person in his family that does not indulge in both!

  • Chandra

    March 6, 2008 at 5:55 pm

    Amazon, for candy. Oh dear watch out! I just looked up their Strawberry/Banana laffy taffy (the combo). Qty 36. I’m seriously tempted. What have you done to me Whoorl?? I’m a fruity candy JUNKIE. Chocolate only if I’m desperate and all that I have. Three cheers for delicious candy! I suppose I should wrap this up with the fact that my husband is type 1 diabetic and not a fan of candy. My family grosses him out most of the time.

  • Heather B.

    March 7, 2008 at 4:53 am

    I’ve been trying to NOT eat gummy bears and thanks to you, I would like a box of them.

    Remind me to express my thanks to you some day. Grrr also YUM.

  • ana

    March 7, 2008 at 1:31 pm

    my boyfriend, too, thinks that my fixation on twixlers and Rowntree’s Fuit Pastilles (british love candy) is insane. i am currently rethinking my relationship status.

    love your blog, by the by!

    -ana

  • ana

    March 7, 2008 at 1:33 pm

    my boyfriend, too, thinks that my fixation on twixlers and Rowntree’s Fruit Pastilles (british love candy) is insane. i am currently rethinking my relationship status.

    love your blog, by the by!

    -ana

  • BeachMama

    March 7, 2008 at 7:07 pm

    I was denied candy as a child. I can’t get enough as an adult. Therefore, my kids aren’t denied candy, the just think it is part of a complete and healthy meal. There is juice in those Gummy Bears, isn’t there;)?

  • cocodrie

    March 8, 2008 at 10:09 am

    Mmmmmm, gummi bears!

  • KD

    March 13, 2008 at 6:30 pm

    I know you’ve moved on (and to the east coast any moment), but I am delurking as I thought you might enjoy the Haribo collection at this link:

    http://www.dereuzegourmetmarket.com/spain-candy-candy.html

    Whee!!

    Don’t know why I assumed that Haribo was Japanese, not Spanish.

  • Dutch Blitz » Internet Lovin’

    April 3, 2008 at 1:03 am

    […] few weeks ago, Whoorl did a post about the boat load box of Haribo Gummi Bears that she had purchased from Amazon. A tummy ache was her malady. Poor, sweet Whoorl! I wondered aloud (in her comments) if […]