Zeus? Hera? Where’s the God of Teeth when you need him?
Exactly how long does it take for molars to obtain permanent residence in a toddler’s mouth? I mean, REALLY, folks.
I distinctly remember Dr. Hot noticing how swollen Wito’s gums were at his 12-month checkup. And I distinctly remember Dr. Hot remarking about how swollen Wito’s gums were at his 15-month appointment. And I distinctly remember Dr. Hot’s thick, wavy deep brunette hair brushing his cheekbone, but that’s neither here nor there.
Three of Wito’s first-year molars have officially made their appearance, but they are turning my boy into a raging psychopath. Today, he followed my every movement, whimpering and whining and shuffling, and you know what? It was really tugging at the good ol’ heartstrings for awhile- up until the point when I tried to pick him up and he swatted at my face. Okay, more of a flailing-arm-that-happened-to-hit-my-face, but C’MON!
Oh, I’m so sorry, little fella! I thought that you literally stepping on my heels with your hands up in the air (and looking at me with those desperate, red-rimmed I NEED YOU eyes) meant that you actually wanted me TO PICK YOU UP. Obviously, that wasn’t the case, as you made it extremely clear with your well-placed bitch slap.
Dear God of Teeth, give me my baby back.
In other news, he is officially asleep and I am drinking vodka. No tonic, no soda, just vodka. And some ice. And an olive. Am very happy.