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The Crush

I have a crush on Wito’s pediatrician. I think I may have told you all about him, once or twice or 5,000 times. Who’s counting?

(I am! I count the times I think of the crush!)

(MANY, MANY TIMES I THINK OF THE CRUSH!)

It’s just his dark, wavy hair. The perfect dark, wavy hair. McDreamy hair, to be exact. And his cool glasses. And his accent. His South African accent. Did I mention his South African accent? I could go on forever…

Unfortunately, this crush renders me speechless every time we occupy the same room. I can’t remember answers to the simplest of questions! I verbally morph into Sloth.

Dr. Hot – “How have you been adjusting to the baby, Whoorl?”

Whoorl – “Baby? Ruuuth, Ruuuth, Babyyyy Ruth.”

Dr. Hot – “Um, excuse me, pager. Emergency. Must go….” (blindly running out of the room)

Lest I remind you of my occupation for the past 8 years. I was generously compensated by a pharmaceutical company to do what? Oh, that’s right -TO CONVERSE WITH DOCTORS. I am the queen of talking to physicians! This gal can walk the walk and talk the talk with the most analytical and socially inept of all physicians. That is, unless said physician has McDreamy hair. Then, apparently, all bets are off.

And please don’t get me started on the visits involving Wito’s scalp cyst! The only way to keep Wito still was to hold him cheek-to-cheek to steady his head while Dr. Hot looked verrrrrry closely at the bump. Our faces were so close, I could feel Dr. Hot’s breath on my face! (It was fabulous breath, OF COURSE.) Do you KNOW what restraint I had to muster in order to NOT lick him?! It’s too much, I tell you! Sweet Jebus, too much!

Which is why you all should understand that I don’t like visiting Dr. Hot. In his presence, I’m stupid and licky. Case closed.

Imagine my dismay when Wito’s 9-month well check popped up on my calendar. Great, more opportunities for ridiculous behavior. I told myself everything would be fine- just focus on not licking the doctor. We got to the office building, stepped into the elevator, pressed the 7th floor, and as the doors began to close, Dr. Hot hopped on! Holy Shit! Just me and Dr. Hot! (Oh yeah, and Wito. Whatever, details…) In the elevator! 7 floors of witty banter and tongue restraint! This was not good.

Dr. Hot – Hi, how are you?

Whoorl – Fine, thanks! (Hellooo, handsome.) We’re just coming to see you…(Oh dear God. Did I just say the word “coming”? Keep it cool, Whoorl. KEEP IT COOL!)

Dr. Hot – (looking at Wito) He is such a handsome boy…blah blah blah blah?

Whoorl – (seriously blushing and no idea what he just asked me…hypnotized by his perfect teeth) Er…yes? (thinking most likely, he has asked me a question involving an affirmative response)

Dr. Hot – I just love this age, too. They are so fun to be around.

Whoorl – (Yes! I knew it was a “yes” question!) So, how is the new office coming along? (STOP SAYING “COMING”, GODDAMN IT)

Dr. Hot – It’s almost finished. We’re very happy with the new arrangement… (exiting elevator) Well, see you very soon!

Whoorl – Bye! (You hot hunk of man love.)

I proceeded to see him 10 minutes later, where I might have exclaimed “Long time, no see! Ha!” when he entered the room and believe it or not, was (un)lucky enough to see him AGAIN the next day when Wito developed the ear infection overnight.

Let’s just say I’m in no hurry to attend Wito’s 12-month appointment.

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24 Comments
  • molly

    May 17, 2007 at 3:13 pm

    my friend, that is what we call Carrying the Watermelon, and we have all been there. Me, it’s bendy male yoga teachers and anyone who has ever been in a band, like, ever. Someone mentions drums or chakras and I carry watermelons all over the place. “How are you?” gets answered by, “Thank you,” etc etc.

  • Donovan

    May 17, 2007 at 2:41 pm

    What’s with women and hot doctors? My wife’s surgeon’s number is actually saved in her phone as “Dr. Hotstuff”.
    I should’ve been a doctor.

  • reluctant housewife

    May 17, 2007 at 2:48 pm

    He! I’m jealous our peditarician is 72 years old and is retiring in july. I should have shopped around!

  • sizzle

    May 17, 2007 at 3:50 pm

    keep it cool whoorl! don’t say “come” or any form of the word. ha ha.

    i want you to lick him, just to see what happens. :)

  • nabbalicious

    May 17, 2007 at 3:55 pm

    I think you should lick him, too. Also, get a picture!

  • BeachMama

    May 17, 2007 at 3:59 pm

    You should totally lick him, see what happens. Just kidding of course, I am just jealous because our Doctor is a family friend, so no, I don’t look at him and his wife like that. It would make the visits much easier though.

  • metalia

    May 17, 2007 at 6:39 pm

    Ooh, I feel much the same way, only the object of my affection is my hottie OB. In fact, I’m contemplating getting knocked up again RIGHT NOW, just so we can hang out again. (Let’s overlook the fact that my child isn’t even 1 yet, yes?)

    PS: Goonies reference…nice.

  • Kelly

    May 17, 2007 at 7:47 pm

    haha… I am totally jealous! Our pediatrician when my son was that age was always different since we were at a military hospital, but I never got any hunks! Usually just some foreign guy who I could NOT understand, or a lady that paid NO attention to anything I said.

  • Jessica

    May 18, 2007 at 3:51 am

    you better hope he’s not a reader… otherwise he may want to lick you back…

  • Lyndsay

    May 18, 2007 at 5:51 am

    We go to a female ped – she;s attractive….but I don’t play on that team. Our old ped had nose hair that could be braided and yellow finger nails.
    You failed to mention if he was married….

  • Darren McLikeshimself

    May 18, 2007 at 7:52 am

    This is me while reading this:

    “Wow! How brave. She better hope Dr. Hot doesn’t Google himself!”

    Then I realized that Hot isn’t his last name.

    I’m, uh… I’m not a smart man.

  • glamgranola

    May 18, 2007 at 8:10 am

    I am so jealous of you Mom’s that have HOT ped’s. It is really like a stay at home mom’s dream come true to have a fantasizable (?) Dr. to see every couple of months. I once saw a OB/Gyn that lisitened to my heart and said “I really get your motor running, huh?” — I shit you not! Never went back to the perv.

  • rebecca

    May 18, 2007 at 12:04 pm

    It’s funny, I actually have several girlfriends who have crushes on their pediatricians! Me, not so much. But maybe I’ll start looking for a new hot one. I can just see myself calling the office: “Um, yeah, I’m going to need to set up a face-to-face appointment so we can meet in person…”

  • Jenifer

    May 18, 2007 at 12:37 pm

    How come I never get the hot ones? My last primary care physician was my dad’s age. Now, I’ve moved. How do you interview for a doctor to make sure he qualifies as eye candy?

  • Maya

    May 18, 2007 at 1:43 pm

    Never had that happen….but I did have a number of hot, no HOT clients in my old profession. Always made my brain-to-mouth connection a little sloooowwwer. I’m glad to see someone besides me *admit* to the occasional crush.

  • little miss mel

    May 18, 2007 at 3:46 pm

    Dr. Wong is a short, middle-aged man. He just isn’t my type. If he were, I would make up excuses to go to the doc!

    TAG, YOU’RE IT! see post for details!

    Happy Weekend! See you in two weeks!

  • angela

    May 19, 2007 at 6:04 am

    You are just too funny. I’m glad you practiced some tongue restraint, or else things could get really awkward.

  • JennH

    May 19, 2007 at 2:09 pm

    Holy crap, this is hilarious.

    I think you should lick him. Just for entertainment purposes if nothing else.

  • Mélaine

    May 21, 2007 at 5:43 am

    This so made me laugh. My previous gynecologist was a complete dream – so not the kind of doctor to be messing around down there but I couldn’t help it. I was routinely compelled to see him. And despite being an educated woman of the world, I was a complete moron around him. Needless to say I now live in the American mid-west and have yet to see any doctor this side of 60, let alone a scrummy one with good hair and beautiful teeth.

  • Tere

    May 21, 2007 at 6:43 am

    I had this same problem with my (former) dermatologist. I could not handle him checking out my moles, especially the ones on my breasts. Crap, I’m blushing now at the memory… hot, hot man…

  • Rachel

    May 21, 2007 at 10:28 am

    Most of my doctors are ladies, and I don’t swing that way, but when I lived in Indianapolis, I had a seriously HOT dentist. As luck would have it, my teeth need constant attention (thanks, heredity!) so I go to the dentist A LOT. My current dentist is not so hot, but Dr. Indianapolis was. And he pulled a giant molar out of my head on my 24th birthday. I’m sure he thought it was sexy.

  • kris

    May 21, 2007 at 5:04 pm

    i’m glad he’s not your gynecologist.

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