Performance Art 2007 Will Not Be Denied!

Lala just reminded me that her craft is not hindered by something as trivial as sobriety. She’s a performance artist of the highest magnitude, yo. (I am completely over the “yo” phenomenon, but I CAN’T STOP TYPING IT.) It is I, Duchess of Whoorl, who needs a leetle liquid courage from time to time.

And since the liquid courage will be a-flowin’, we just might attempt a video post while in Santa Fe. What this video entails, we do not know. Frankly, I find video blogs to be a bit creepy. I mean, a video. Of me. On the Interwebs! Creeps McGee. (Not to be confused with Crams McGee, which is entirely a different story. Does anyone else use that phrase? Just me? Ok then.)

However, after ingesting several tequila shots, creepy becomes slightly sketchy. Slightly sketchy turns to into no big deal and no big deal morphs into WE ARE SO FUCKING FUNNY! AND TALENTED! PEOPLE WILL LOVE US! WE’RE TAKING THIS ACT ON THE ROAD!

Does the idea of a poorly-made and possibly humiliating video titillate your senses? With hints of my drunken Oklahoma twang? Possibly singing and/or dancing? If I sense enough interest amongst my fellow users of the Interwebs (who else is loving 30 Rock?), we shall move forward with our plan. The caveat is I DECIDE how many comments equal “interest”, and unfortunately, visions of the hundreds of Crayola crayon comments from earlier this year are filling my head. P.S. – That entry was lost in the Great Whoorl Rebirth, but I remember…oh, I remember…

You do realize this is my insurance from actually having to DO this, right? I am not particularly fond of my video persona. (quivering in fear)

Most importantly, do you have any suggestions for our possible ground-breaking piece of history? If we end up utilizing your idea, I will send you a small token of my appreciation (coming from here).

Not to insinuate we are for sure doing this. That’s up to you guys. (OH HOW LAME IS THAT STATEMENT? COMMENT WHORE, COMMENT WHORE!)

  • Amy / Girl's Life

    April 23, 2007 at 8:13 pm

    Oh yeah – drunken video diary. Do it, yo!

    A video diary would definitely be easier than some sort of production…

  • Alissa

    April 23, 2007 at 9:58 pm

    Yes please. Let’s see it.

  • Jessie

    April 24, 2007 at 3:17 am

    OF COURSE we want to see a video of you guys living it up. Seeing as how I’m working every day for the next month and a half (weekends included) I think that watching someone else have fun might ease my pain and boredom. (does that guilt trip work?)


  • Sarah

    April 24, 2007 at 3:27 am

    Turn that mutha out…I will be laughing from here!

  • Beth

    April 24, 2007 at 4:06 am

    Aw, come on. You know you want to.

    By the way, my liquid courage of choice is scotch because you have to sip it, so you can waffle for much longer over whether to perform.

  • Jen

    April 24, 2007 at 4:16 am

    DO IT! DO IT!

    And, my suggestion would be a videotaped karaoke performance. The pics of you & your sis performing Pour Some Sugar On Me were the best. I think you’re ready for the next step – videotaping your performance for the Internets to see!

  • Heather

    April 24, 2007 at 4:43 am

    Well Hell Yes we want to see that shit. Pictures are great but they just don’t show the best side of you as a vidoe can. You could even turn it into some type of audition tape and be on your way to a whole new career. Whoorl the Actress!

  • SAJ

    April 24, 2007 at 7:01 am

    You better do it! Or I’ll leave cat hair in your mail box.


  • Angella

    April 24, 2007 at 7:13 am

    I DOUBLE DOG DARE YOU to do it! And some suggestions: You’ve Lost That Lovin’ Feelin’, Always Be My Baby (Mariah), If I Had $1Million Dollars (BNL), Lean On Me, Don’t Speak (No Doubt), Knowing Me Knowing You (ABBA), or any ABBA song, really…

    Not that I would have any experience with singing in public :)

    So you think we should sing?

  • Sadie

    April 24, 2007 at 7:13 am

    God you need a lot of attention! But thankfully, I ALSO need a video of you, wasted, singing and dancing with your knocked-up sister. So we’re copacetic.

    Also, 30 Rock is mah favorite show evah, and I don’t even care that Alec Baldwin is a mean surly sonofabitch…that show SLAYS. And its episodes are on nbc.com in their entirety in case you missed any.

    And that is why I heart DVR.

  • rebecca

    April 24, 2007 at 7:20 am

    LOVE 30 Rock.

    Also, LOVE to see the drunken Whoorl performance art extravaganza. With an Oklahoma twang no less! I have to say, I’ve never pictured you with any sort of accent. :)

    The accent only comes out with alcohol consumption. Thank God.

  • metalia

    April 24, 2007 at 7:24 am

    Ooh, this is an exciting prospect. Obviously, I’d love to see video
    footage, and so, here are my suggestions for the Whoorl/Lala performance:

    “I Want To Know What Love Is”

    “Cotton Eyed Joe” (I think it goes without saying, but this should involve
    performing the dance, as well.)

    “Every Rose Has Its Thorn”

    and finally:

    “Bohemian Rhapsody”

    My proverbial hat is off to you for even considering this, so here’s an idea
    to mitigate any potential interweb-related embarrassment (and yes, *30 Rock* kicks all kinds of ass; I’ll meet you in the skull of the Statue of Liberty
    to discuss it. ;)) If you do decide to go through with this, DO A VIDEO
    MEME. That’s right; after your performance, tag other bloggers to perform songs of your choosing, and subsequently post it on their blogs. Spread the embarrassment around!

    Leave it to Metalia to come up with the goods. Did I mention I love you?

    My newest plan is to make a YouTube video only available to the people who comment. That way, we can ham it up without feeling like enormous attention-seeking losers.

    Meet you in the skull later, gator.

  • Isabel

    April 24, 2007 at 7:49 am

    I think a “how to” video would be awesome. Even more so then one with singing and dancing.

    I like it.

  • Married Jen

    April 24, 2007 at 7:53 am

    “Meat. It’s the new bread!”

    “I want to kiss your new boyfriend on the mouth Lemon.”

    “Ouch! My bones!”

    I have every 30 Rock DVR’d and watch them way too much.

    I’m thinking either 80’s type infomercial or boy band performance? Have fun w/ the fam!

    I can’t tell you how many times I’ve used the phrase “I have hollow bones” in the past week. :)

  • bishOp stu tu

    April 24, 2007 at 7:57 am

    whOOrl gOOrl,

    the acquisition of liquid cOUrage has been completed.

    rest easy, my dearest.

    yo, da bishOp

  • BeachMama

    April 24, 2007 at 8:19 am

    Definately. Singing is always fun and liquid courage helps a long way, although your Sister is a trooper for not needing any. So I too vote for karaoke as your performance this year. Don’t let us down ;).

  • Erin Rae

    April 24, 2007 at 8:52 am

    DO IT!

    I love that your father seems rather encouraging of this whole thing. How about Bishop Stu Tu provides some instrumental backing for you and Lala’s singing video?

    I almost wrote signing video, but hey – you could sign the words to the song at the same time. Nothing says superstar like the ability to sign your own lyrics ;-)

  • natalie

    April 24, 2007 at 9:47 am

    alright, alright…as a fellow “performance artist” (and lady who’s OK twang comes out with booze as well) might I suggest two songs for your consideration:

    Total Eclipse of the Heart
    Welcome to the Jungle

    I mean come on…can you imagine the joy we would feel after seeing you two belt out the “shanananananakneeeeEEES!kneeeeeeEEEEEES” part?! Oh, I sure can!

    I might be back with more as the songs pop into my wee little brain.

  • Neil

    April 24, 2007 at 10:00 am

    Can you do a duet with Sanjaya?

  • Jen-Again

    April 24, 2007 at 10:40 am

    Yes, please! Love to hear your OK accent- it’ll remind me of home.

  • Amanda

    April 24, 2007 at 12:18 pm

    Hell to the Yes!

    Oh, and 30 Rock, HI-FUCKING-LARIOUS. I find myself randomly quoting Jack Donaghy… “What does she know, she’s a Murphy. Bunch of mud farmers and sheep rapists.” I love him. Even though he freaked out at his kid like a looney tune… in real life. Ok, enough from me.

  • don't call me ma'am

    April 24, 2007 at 11:37 am

    Here are my suggestions:

    1) A video How-To of how to create the most rockin’ margaritas ever… which Nabbs and Darren say YOU make. The catch: you have to drink a shot before each step of the margarita-making. I’m hoping it will result in an I-Love-Lucyish vitameatvegamin episode.

    2) Re-enact your favorite 30 Rock episode. The two of you must play all the characters. Anytime you spout a sarcastic line, YOU must drink a shot.

    I had another one, but I forgot it. Getting old SUCKS.

  • Keri

    April 24, 2007 at 11:39 am

    Can’t wait to see it! I’m delurking just to see it.

  • Kiki

    April 24, 2007 at 11:50 am

    YESSSS!! (Pulling my fist down slowly, a la Zach Morris, Saved by the Bell circa 1996)!!! Get that drunken debauchery on video!!

  • amy

    April 24, 2007 at 12:58 pm

    oh hell yes! i second eran raes suggestion. bishop stu provide instrumental backing to a full on 80’s rock performance video. we can’t wait!

  • rebecca

    April 24, 2007 at 1:29 pm

    This whole string of comments is hilarious. I think Metalia should win the Whoorlie for Most Helpful Advice On How To Document Performance Art. Is that a category? It should be.

    Unrelated, but also hilarious: “I have hollow bones. Like a bird.”

  • Amanda

    April 24, 2007 at 1:53 pm

    If you don’t do it, I will cry.

    I’d love to see some something 80s inspired…get out your hair crimpers, pull on a shiny leotard and make a music video. You could do the singing, or just lip synche.

  • 180/360

    April 24, 2007 at 2:13 pm

    It should definitely include lots of alcohol, singing, dancing and your dad on guitar. (BTW- he seems like a lot of fun!)

    Does D. or The Magnate ever perform? They both seem, shall I say more reserved- so it would be fun to see them get a little crazy, too. :)

  • Brittany

    April 24, 2007 at 2:58 pm

    Love the idea! My suggestions depend on how wild/crazy/silly you want to be. I’ve got a million of them, so let me know if any of them sound more appealing than others.

    1) Basic Karaoke
    2) Karaoke with a twist. Take a song, make up your own words to it. perform.
    3) Song and Dance
    4) Have you ever listened to the cabbage patch kid CD/tape? There is a song called the bunny bee’s which is just made for a video performance
    5) A skit highlighting “famous” moments from previous get togethers.
    6) Video trivia: Tape funny moments from the weekend. Ask trivia questions, and follow it with video of what really happened.

    That’s all for now. let me know if you want more ideas.

  • Maya

    April 24, 2007 at 3:16 pm

    Ok, so there are plenty of votes for singing/lip synch and drunken performance art. I’m going to go with a) a post-Whoorlgarita sock puppet rendition of a great play or rock opera (you guys do the voices), or b) a Whoorl family sing-along of something like Oooooooklahoma! – but you have to get the. entire. family to do it.

  • Tina

    April 24, 2007 at 3:46 pm

    You are the next American Idol! Do it!

  • hannah

    April 24, 2007 at 5:36 pm

    Do it! Show it! I promise I’ll sing along!

  • am'ti b

    April 24, 2007 at 7:00 pm

    love 30 rock, but don’t mention it to the fam. they have some major issue with alec b, so much so they are not only missing out on a super funny show, but they wouldn’t even see the departed. looking forward to whatever video creations ya’ll come up with.

  • Lulu

    April 25, 2007 at 5:32 am

    please. Please. PUH LEESE!!!

  • Kimmer

    April 25, 2007 at 6:18 am



    “I’ll Stop the World and Melt with You” to conjure up a Dan Rooney moment circa 1993. How ’bout that shit?

  • Ms. Runner

    April 25, 2007 at 6:44 am

    Congrats to your sister! And I put both arms up for some heart-felt karaoke, preferably with costumes and dancing. Walk Like and Egyptian (with lots of Egyptian walking performance art), Hit me with your Best Shot, or You Shook Me All Night Long would all work.

    Or, for something more modern that would be in keeping with your oh so glam lives, Fergie’s “G-l-a-m-o-r-o-u-s” (you know, you could go big with it, like Alanis’s “ironic” performance of “My Humps”).

  • Jenifer

    April 25, 2007 at 7:37 am

    OH, hell yeah! I need some twang singing to get me in the mood for who the hell knows what!

    I think you should do a whole Madonna montage, starting off with “Like a Virgin”, “Just Like a Prayer”, and finish up with something off the Disco album she put out.

    I also, wholeheartedly, support Bohemian Rhapsody.