Cardiac Hill

The time has come. Time to bust out my A-game. No more excuses, no more whining. No more leisurely walks to the beach while chatting up SAJ or my mom via cell phone. Time to take on Cardiac Hill.

Cardiac Hill is a stretch of gradual incline behind my neighborhood leading from the beach to the houses up in the hills. Cardiac Hill is not for sissies, yo. Especially if you are pushing a 23-pounder in a stroller, which at mile marker .435 begins to feel like pushing a mahogany credenza up Mount Kilimanjaro.

But it’s time, peeps. And how do I know? Well, just ask these bermuda shorts. They relayed the message loud and clear yesterday while getting my Fash-On at Old Navy.

**side note** – Old Navy. Um, not a place I usually frequent for attire, but BY GOD PEOPLE, the new “longer” cotton tanks?! GENIUS, I say. GENIUS! And of course, these and these for Wito. Oh, who am I kidding? I LOVE Old Navy! I’m a mother! Coming soon – holiday sweatshirts and a FUPA!

My sister called a couple of days ago telling me I must purchase their new Bermuda shorts. So cute with wedges, so cute with flats, etc. And unlike most of you, I am a huge fan of Bermuda shorts. I think they can be very chic with the right accessories and of course, the right body type (i.e. – mine, PRE-pregnancy). I tossed Wito in the car and made my way. When I arrived, the shorts were directly in my line of sight, all colorful and just begging to be tried on. I grabbed a couple of pairs in several sizes and made my way to the dressing room.

I enjoy employing the try-one-size-larger-to-help-build-the-ego method when trying on clothes. Then, I can pat myself on the back when they are hanging off my hips. I chose the TOSLTHBTE pair of shorts and pulled them up my calves, knees, thighs, hmph. Hmph. They just were not wanting to button. Or zip. That’s funny…they must have been improperly labeled. After all, these shorts were the size I wore in college when a typical dinner consisted of a large pizza and 6 pints of Killian’s Red. So, I called to the headset person and had them bring me another pair. Same thing. What the fuck, Old Navy? I know you’re el cheapo, but let’s try to get some size uniformity here! So I left sans Bermuda shorts, but with thoughts of sending Old Navy Corporate Headquarters a letter addressing their sizing issues. “Like, get on the same page with the American size chart. DUH. Love, Whoorl.”

And then my sister called. And informed me that her normal size fit just fine. Just fine! And then I swallowed the extremely bitter pill. I have 5 (maybe 6. Fine, 7.) pregnancy pounds still lurking on my body and by GOD, they have to come off. Right away. I have upwards of 10 pairs of fabulous jeans and none of them fit. NONE. What’s a girl to do?

I’ll tell you. For starters, I drove back to Old Navy and bought two pairs of the too-small shorts. They WILL fit in the near future thanks to my new friend and nemesis, Cardiac Hill.

Oh yes, that’s right. Cardiac Hill.

If you happen to be in my neighborhood and see a green Bugaboo careening down the sidewalk, Holla! I’ll be the comatose lady a quarter-mile up the hill.

  • BeachMama

    March 9, 2007 at 5:18 am

    Good luck with Cardiac Hill! I wish we had one around here, but most of my outdoor walks are pretty flat, thus I have to walk longer. I just started working out again with my trainer in hopes that when this bug is born I won’t have too much trouble getting back to where I was pre-first pregnancy! I do love Old Navy though because I can usually wear my old size or one up and feel good, on the cheap too!

  • bitetherabbit

    March 9, 2007 at 6:27 am

    Oh my gosh! I’m glad I’m not the only one who has a thing for bermuda shorts! Sounds like Cardiac Hill is like running stairs…but without the stairs. Good luck!

  • Becky

    March 9, 2007 at 5:34 am

    Good luck with Cardiac Hill!

    You’ve covered the shoes, but what kind of top would you wear with the burmudas? I need fashion help!

    The long tanks look great, tees, and if there is a chill in the air, J. Crew makes great super-thin merino wool crewneck sweaters that would be perfect.

  • Darren McLikeshimself

    March 9, 2007 at 7:11 am

    I think you and I ate the same dinner in college.

  • Kimmer

    March 9, 2007 at 6:28 am

    Use the leash on your stroller – helpful hint from someone who has been walking up the 11th St hill for kicks.

    Kimmer- Unfortunately, I cut the leash off. Where else was I supposed to put a drink holder?! Let’s see…drink holder, baby safety, drink holder, baby safety…drink holder wins every time.

  • Suzanne

    March 9, 2007 at 7:01 am

    Hello! I live in Oklahoma and got your Blog via Gorillabuns. Anders is adorable! I think it is so cute that he is such a big boy. I have twins (Boy and Girl) who are now 6 and in the first Grade. They were born at 8.9 and 8.10 pounds. I gained 70 pounds which is more than double what I was pre-pregancy.My son weighed 20 pounds at 4 months! My daughter has always been around 8 pounds less than him. Now he is a thin little guy, but very tall..


    March 9, 2007 at 7:05 am

    What are these tanks and shorts you speak of?

    It is 8 degrees outside. I’m moving to LA.

    It’s Cali, baby! It’s always in the 70’s around here…going to be in the high 80’s this weekend (too hot for me).

  • sizzle

    March 9, 2007 at 7:21 am

    old navy is hit or miss with the sizing. i feel ya on that- and i don’t even have post-pregnancy weight (just run of the mill chub). your theory about the larger size first to boost the ego? totally gonna try that one.

  • natalie

    March 9, 2007 at 7:50 am

    I have issues with old Navy sizing. I have to try on like 4 random sizes to find what works. I wear a different size for pants, skirts AND shorts there. And actually, even from pant to pant it’s sometimes a different size. So wonky, wtf?…

    Good luck with that whole walking up hill thing! I’ll just jog on a flat surface, thats hard enough for me…I’m a pansy-ass.

  • metalia

    March 9, 2007 at 8:00 am

    I *adore* Old Navy; I fell in love with their maternity tank tops, and I haven’t looked back. Their baby stuff is super cute too. I mean, really. They’re wearing it for 3 months, tops, so who cares if it gets crappy quickly? Such is my philosophy.

    Also–Did you replace your lost “Brown Bear” book? I have THREE. I have no idea where people got them for me, so here they sit, just taking up space. I’d be more than willing to send you one. And no, it’s not a ploy to find out where you live and beg you to make me margaritas.


    I think I’ve said too much.

    Metalia- Thanks for the offer! I actually bought another one a couple of days ago, but you are always welcome for margs!

  • Angella

    March 9, 2007 at 8:33 am

    Bermuda shorts make me LOOK like I’m packing an extra 10 pounds. Happy for you that you like them, though! Good for you on cardiac hill – I finally got off of MY butt yesterday and worked up a sweat. Without kids though – good on you for the added resistance ala Anders :)

  • rebecca

    March 9, 2007 at 8:35 am

    Oh Whoorl. I feel your pain. My son will be TWO (2) next month and I am still lamenting the fact that I can’t fit into my favorite pre-preg jeans. There is no excuse for my laziness, as I sit here typing this while ensconced in my comfortable chair, sipping my grande latte full of sugar.

    Can you say shame spiral?!?

    But anyway. What I meant to say is GOOD FOR YOU. Perhaps I will be inspired to get my ass off the couch this weekend.

    p.s. I too went to Old Navy this week and loaded up on the long tanks! Love them.

    p.p.s. I also bought the Physicians Formula mineral powder and really like it! Works good for a cheapie.

  • Glamgranola

    March 9, 2007 at 8:51 am

    Now with more FUPA! Classic. Old Navy sizes are a little wonky, but, hey, so are my hips after to babies!

  • little miss mel

    March 9, 2007 at 8:54 am

    Way to go on tackling that bigass hill. Reminds me of SF. Huff and puff for sure!

    Rt has some bermuda shorts from the Gap. It’s part of his “big events” attire. I am def. a fan!

    Old Navy has perfect tread socks for crawler/walkers. We still use ours and have found nothing better.

  • Glamgranola

    March 9, 2007 at 8:54 am

    Oh God! TWO, is what I meant. Note to self: must start proofreading!

  • SAJ

    March 9, 2007 at 9:15 am

    Old Navy sizes are definitely whacky. It’s not just you. I found a pair of pants I loved once… so I bought one in every color in the same size. When I got home, none of them fit. None of them!!! Only the original. You know how much I HATE taking stuff back. Hate it.

  • lei

    March 9, 2007 at 9:40 am

    i find that steep incline/road down to the beach where you guys live a big enough pain in the ass; good luck with cardiac hill!

    it’ll be too hot for me this weekend, too. my comfort threshold is about 75.

  • Jenifer

    March 9, 2007 at 10:24 am

    Good for you to take on Cardiac Hill! I am on Weight Watchers after putting on 20lbs of “I’m in love” weight. Now, I have to fight off tempting cookies and cupcakes that are easily accessible and get over my fear of Bally Fitness trainers. The ones that are oh so perky at 5 am in the morning and KNOW that you can do it! (When will it be legal to commit criminal acts against this type of person?)

  • am'ti b

    March 9, 2007 at 10:25 am

    i have done the same thing as saj, it sucks. one would think all gap inc stores would have the same size measurements. also, have you tried jcrew’s bermudas, i prefer them, they fit just like their trusty ole khakis. good luck with your new workout schedule.

    brie, do you have the j crew bermudas in almond or hickory? i am trying to decide which color would look better against my skin and god forbid I go to the actual store to look at them…

  • nabbalicious

    March 9, 2007 at 11:18 am

    That was my dinner in college, too, but throw in a couple breadsticks, a six-pack of Bartles and Jaymes and a pint of Ben & Jerry’s. Fuck, I want to be in my early 20s again.

    I do the opposite when trying on clothes: I try on the size I “think” I am, and if it doesn’t fit, I won’t buy it. I can’t stand the shame of going up a size!

  • nabbalicious

    March 9, 2007 at 11:19 am

    P.S. I mean, I’d like to be in my early 20s, but I think my choice of drink would be a little classier these days.

  • Kiki

    March 9, 2007 at 12:42 pm

    Hells yeah! Bermuda Shorts are a little slice of khaki heaven! I have the black pin-stripe pair and the green! Love them!

  • Amanda

    March 9, 2007 at 1:06 pm

    I’ve still got 7 to lose too. The same 7 I’ve been trying to lose for the past 5 months. AUGH. My problem is that when I start exercising I use it as my rationalization to eat extra chocolate and cookies. “I walked for a half hour so I can totally eat this ENTIRE CAKE.” One step forward, twelve steps back.

  • am'ti b

    March 9, 2007 at 1:20 pm

    i have them in hickory, parsley sprig and navy,mine are from last year almond was to pale for my big trunk, they are light weight so darker worked better for me.

  • Tere

    March 9, 2007 at 1:39 pm

    Is it just my cheap ass, or has Old Navy gotten a tad pricey lately? $30 for a top? $37 for pants? Meh.

    I don’t know if this’ll make you feel better, but I find that Old Navy bottoms almost always fit kinda weird, kinda off. It’s always hit or miss with them…

    Then again, I have a big, Cuban ass, so I may not be the best source here…

  • am'ti b

    March 9, 2007 at 1:40 pm

    p.s. i am sure you have measured, but they are 13″ and hang just below my knee cap. good length for those of us inclined to hide our thighs.

  • don't call me ma'am

    March 9, 2007 at 1:56 pm

    Shorts. Those things I wear when I don’t mind blinding the population of the United States with my ghastly pale legs.

    I’m having a panic attack at my desk, just thinking about wearing shorts. Thanks a lot!

    But… perhaps, if the bermudas are cute, I might buy a pair. I’m sure there’s some sunless tanner somewhere that won’t rub off/stink/turn me orange.

    HEY! That reminds me… you need a sunless tanner/bronzer list to go with your lip gloss list. It’s about that time of year, yes?

  • whoorl

    March 9, 2007 at 2:07 pm

    I just returned from J. Crew to all of these good comments and I’d like to say that if you’re in the market for Bermudas, J. Crew has the best (you were soooo right, am’ti b).

    They are 13 inches opposed to Old Navy’s 11 inches, which hides that little nasty inner knee flab. Plus, they are much better quality material, fit better, etc. Of course, they are twice the price….

    I got Almond, Cool Meadow and Navy. Not that you all care, but hey. I also threw some headbands in for good measure. Woot! I love me some shopping.

  • lini

    March 9, 2007 at 2:24 pm

    OMG, the vision of my precious boy careening down cardiac hill! Cardiac hill-sounds like something you should do when D is home and can watch the baby. Just some motherly advice.

  • cj4

    March 9, 2007 at 3:45 pm

    Ah, the slow slide from J.Crew to Old Navy to ….. I sit here at work with a devilish grin on my face dreaming of that day not to long from now when we stop by and find Wito running around in a diaper and you and D slumped on the couch in matching sweatsuits (you know, the kind that make that swishy noise when you walk), sipping ice tea out of 60 oz. Texaco coffee travel mugs. Who am I kidding – ice tea? Maybe V and T. Popov, of course, but still.

    [Full Disclosure: K is an Old Navy buying fool and I don’t think M has more than 3 articles of clothing that aren’t from there. Great baby/toddler stuff. Even I, clothes snob supreme, sport some of the Navy’s finest, most notably my beloved corduroy sport coat. On sale for $9.99. And best of all: a size small. It had me at hello.]

    This comment (including the full disclosure) disturbs me on so many different levels.

  • cj4

    March 9, 2007 at 3:46 pm

    And as for Cardiac Hill: how’s D’s decision to cut off the bugaboo wrist strap for aesthetic purposes working out for you?

    As I noted to Kimmer, it was a decision purely based on the drink holder. Drink holder, baby safety, drink holder, baby safety…drink holder wins every time.

  • M

    March 9, 2007 at 5:04 pm

    I myself find old navy either hit or miss. Mostly miss. The only thing that I have bought there in the last 2 years was a white cotten skirt with an drawstring waiste. Sure helps me on my ‘fat’ days. I should probably dig it out seeing that spring is just around the corner here. Good luck with the hill. I just started going back to the gym to lose that those 10 lbs that I have accumalated over the last few years and I am not even post-natal, yet.

  • lei

    March 11, 2007 at 6:32 pm

    love the jcrew ones. lightweight and super comfy; perfect for the insane hot that was today.

  • Jennifer

    March 12, 2007 at 9:14 am

    Good Luck with tackling that hill. Don’t be too hard on yourself. Some of the lack of fitting may just be that your hips shifted out from pregnancy. I’m jealous that you can wear bermuda shorts and still look good. My shortness makes me look silly in bermuda shorts.

  • Jeannette

    March 12, 2007 at 9:30 am

    Oh Whoorl, it’s posts like this that make me love your site so…I too am the proud (and somewhat sheepish) owner of 3 pairs of slightly-too-small Old Navy bermudas. At least it’s cold here, so I figure I’ve got about 3 or 3.5 months to hit the pavement with the stroller before I can actually wear them. Hey, maybe if I put the baby in the carrier it will be kinda like lifting weights and walking at the same time…

  • ali

    March 12, 2007 at 11:27 am

    i can’t wear all these long shirts…i’m a short girl…and they look downright disastrous on me. bah.